So what do you do with your day? If you’re lucky you get up, have a cup of coffee or two, shower, shave, get ready to face the day then go out and face the day. Yeah. Dealing with the work people. All day long. Meetings. You know, have to talk to the creepy old guy at the water cooler, flirt a little with the new girl, put in a days work then at five, hjt it. Take off. Go home, maybe have a beer or two. Chill, cook some dinner, play a little xbox, maybe watch a movie. Then it’s off to bed.
You know….
A regular day
For some of you. For some of us it’s a bit different.
Oh sure we get up. At some point. Maybe not too early. You know, cause we were up waaay to late last night. Checking out the movies on IFC or Showtime or truth be known, watching the cartoon network. So yeah we get up out of bed eventually, make our way to the kitchen, brew up a pot of coffee and stand around waking up, taking stock of things. Trying to place yourself. Then grabbing the first cup o’the day, make our way to the computer. Sit down, turn on iTunes to KEXP or Indie 1031, then proceed with your daily “grind”. Check the email, run through the job listings. Apply for anything. Shit shoveler at the Zoo? Here’s an application. Enjoy! Booger picker at the nose dr? Zing goes the email. Stocker at the porn store? Pow! application sent.
Basically apply for anything. ANYTHING. Then it’s off to the daily browse. Start with Fark, waste some time there, browse a few other sites, Reddit, Lifehacker…porn…pretty much anything that’s even remotely interesting.
Break for lunch after a bit…then…the day is yours! What to do; what to do? Perhaps we could clean a bit? Perhaps a trip to the grocery, but not too much. Watching the budget and all.
Then when night comes the television comes on. Waste hours watching cooking network. Go to bed at 2 or three. Repeat.
Tough life. Boring life. But there’s always Dines Drive ins and Dives. Yeah, that’ll do the trick.
On behalf of the Republican party and those with money who can’t be bothered with your silly issues, I’ve been asked to ask you to please calm down. Sure, you don’t have housing. We understand that. In fact, we hear that many are in trouble. Every day, every single day, dear friends are having to drive to their tennis lessons or dance groups through hordes of people like in the video below. Why just the other day at the tennis club, we were discussing the plight of the poor people and how we could help. I, being the generous kind hearted person that I am, gave the woman who was serving us an extra dollar. That’s how I’m helping.
Oh, silly me, I got off topic a bit there, didn’t I? So anyway, seems that in some city, Atlanta I think, there were some “housing vouchers” being handed out. I have no idea what a housing voucher would be, but lots of people apparently want one. Why on earth anyone would need a “voucher” for their housing is beyond me. If these people don’t have housing or enough money to have a decent house, then it’s obvious that they’re lazy and shiftless and not right with God. So you see, it’s really their own fault.
If you’re one of these poor people who are out of work, I’d suggest that you get off of your lazy behinds and go get a job. That’s right. Just go get a job. Surely, the Quiky Mart is hiring or perhaps the McRonalds burger stand would have a position befitting a person of your plight. Whatever the case may be, there are just oodles of jobs out there to be had so there’s really no excuse.
I’ll leave you with this word, If you’re poor and unemployed, then you’ve chosen to be. Chose NOT to be and you’ll be fine. Make sure you go to church and repent to the lord for all of your sins. That will surely help.
I totally shed a tear. No, really. I did. Well, maybe not but if I cared I might.
Problem is I don’t give a rats ass about the Chinese unemployed. I don’t give a rats ass about the British unemployed or the Indian unemployed or the whatever f(&king nationality you’ve got unemployed. F*^k ‘em.
We’ve got plenty of unemployed here in the United States, not surprisingly, your intrepid reporter included.
I can not bring myself to care for these people. Really. Where is the story on the American unemployed? Where is the story of the Americans with Masters Degrees, plenty of experience and a willingness and ability to work actually not being able to, you know, work?
How about it Newsweek? Or Time…or whatever.
Quit the whargarble and let’s find some solutions to the problems. Quickly please. Thanks.
I was recently laid off from my job. I know, awesome. Unfortunately, it’s not an uncommon occurrence these days and people tend not to react with the same surprise they would have in years past. When you tell them, people look at you like you just ripped your face off, only to reveal the exact same face. Picture that in your head right now. See, you’re surprised, but not for long, right? “OH MY GOD THIS GUY’S RIPPING HIS FACE OFF — oh wait, never mind, everything’s very normal.”
Being let go leaves you feeling screwed, even if the job was never a resume builder. I’ve since realized why “getting laid off” and “getting laid” are only one word apart. They’re very similar events. Here are ten reasons why…
1. Getting there involved talking yourself up with a lot of flowery half-truths. “What countries, specifically, do I perform charity work in, you ask? Well, what countries have you been to?” Or… “Unfortunately, any references who could have verified my exhaustive and highly decorated zoological background were killed in that tragic wolverine accident.” Or… “I would absolutely like to board this crazy train, Mr. Beck.”
2. They’ll jerk you around a lot in the beginning, but it doesn’t go where you want it to. Though there will be a release of one sort or another.
3. Being a straight shooter is admirable, but can sometimes end with you apologizing. Then sitting by yourself. Or paying a bill. Or both.
4. There’s an above average chance that you will steal something before you leave. And when you’re finally gone, you’ll try to think of reasons you can awkwardly go back to take the good stuff you didn’t think of at the time.
5. Deep down, you know it’s you who is responsible for spreading that virus. And in all instances, nudity was somehow involved.
6. Whether it’s your sales, your teamwork skills or something else, the term “flaccid” keeps coming up. However, you’re convinced you made a strong showing and maintain it was “someone else” who was responsible for any decline in performance.
7. When the coast is clear, you raid the fridge. Anything with a name on it is the first to go. When people write their name on food they’re just assuming everyone else is a criminal. And who cares, you probably won’t see them again, so take it and leave them in a state of constant paranoia.
8. Afterward, you tell yourself you’re done with “that.” From now on you have a fresh opportunity to follow your heart. Even if the next week involves a feverish search armed with standards subterranean enough to make a mole king blush.
9. Getting there also required purchasing new clothes and paying extra attention to hygiene. And on your way out, you realize just how much you overestimated the need for any of that.
10. In the end, they’re left unsatisfied with your performance. And you’re crying.
Admit it. You’ve been working or surfing or whatever, listening to music and get a bit distracted. You turn off the music to watch the video of the baby dancing to Michael Jackson or some cute kitty chasing a dildo that got left on and is vibrating across the floor. You then forget to turn the music back on and hours later realize you’re listening to your head do whatever it is your head does inside.
Do we ever get to call a do over in life? Maybe just a time out, go to the sidelines and figure out the next play?
No?
Damn.
I was thinking that I’d just trot over to the sidelines, have some gatorade and kind of make like I’m thinking about what to do next and then trot back out to the field. Of course I’ll still not have any idea what the hell I’m doing or going to do, but I’ll look swell in my indecision.
I know that I’m not the only one in this boat. In fact the old unemployment boat is full to the brim like one of those Cuban refugee “boats” that you see on the news every now and again. Fifty people are piled on the hood of a 63 Dodge Dart and trying to float their way to Miami. Current unemployment rates are officially at or around 10%, but the real unemployment rate is, depending on which source you use, somewhere around 15-17% and possibly even worse. The old hood for the American unemployed is full and really, if we all float to Miami, is it going to be any better there? Sure, there might be good food, but we’re all going to be to poor to afford it.
We can all be bitter, in fact I often am/was, but I’m personally trying not to be. I think that my bitterness is something that attributed to my current stupid poor health situation. That and the fact that for the longest time the only time I went to the gym was to pick my daughter up or maybe turn around in the parking lot. That’s not a very good workout honestly. I don’t recommend that you try it.
I think that I’m going to try being positive and see what happens.
