Damnitkage

I ‘m not a huge fan of Kansas City’s own Boulevard Beer.  Seems that everywhere you go the only Boulevard option is the wheat beer and there’s not a wheat beer made that I think is worth drinking.  I wouldn’t go across the street to drink one if they were being given away.  So last night when we were shopping about at Costco, we noticed that they had a case on sale for..um…whatever it was.  I forget.  Point is that we bought it thinking that it couldn’t be that bad.  Or so we hoped.

I tested the Boulevard Pilsner waters today with first a wee toe dip of a sip of my the beer my wife was enjoying and then jumped into the deep end and had an entire glass of beer for my own.

It wasn’t bad.

Color me suprised but it was actually drinkable.  I’ve had a few other Boulevards that I was able to choke down.  In fact back in 1998 they had a Cream Stout that absolutly rocked but apparently me and only one other guy thought so.  It seems to have disappeared.

So my beer review of the day is four bottle caps for Boulevard Pilsner.

Have one for yourself and tell ‘em KJ sent you.  They’ll probably give you money or free beer.  Probably.

Just because it’s St. Patrick’s day. Jesus, what kind of drunken fool do you think I am?

10 a.m. is a little early for me now that I’m 903 years old. Time was, time was when by ten in the morning, we were about 5 sheets to the wind, powered up and ready for a day of frolic and revelry.

I’m old now. Doesn’t mean I’m not a fan of revelry and frolicing or whatever, but I have to go to the gym first now, and take care of some work and chores and then I’ve got to start the roast beast cooking and then….

You know what…I may not go anywhere after all. Happy St. Patrick’s day. Don’t get too drunk and don’t be an idiot and drive.

It’s dangerous to say, I know but, I hate basketball.  Can’t stand it.  Won’t watch it.  Could give about 1/3 of a rats ass about KU or MU or any U in basketball.

Why dangerous?  Because of where I live.  Kansas City is rife with people who fancy themselves basketball fans.  We’ve got Kansas fans and Missouri fans and Kansas State fans and whatever fans.  It’s no different than any other sport, everyone is convinced that their team is the best.  I’m sure your team is wondeful.  Yessiree bob.  A #1.  Tip Top.

Whatever…

Here’s a few reasons why I hate basketball.  All of them totally valid becuase I fucking say they’re valid.  That’s why.

1.  The season is what?  932 months long?  Seriously.  How long is the basketball season?  Seems like each season starts four or five years back and somehow lasts for 19 or twenty years into the future.  How a champion is decided upon every year is a strange and wonderous feature of time that surely involves Newtonian physics, magic and some sort of governmental time/space manipulation.

2.  Every fan knows every motherfreakin’ thing there is to know and you should listen to them because hey, they really know.  Seriously…everyone knows someone who likes to mention to anyone who will listen to them how the KU defense has a better 5/3 court coverage plan than K State because K State can’t run the go and blow or stop and shove or whatever kind of dumb saying there is for a “play”.  Basketball seems to generate more people who think they know everything there is to know and that they should be coach and grand potentate of whatever team they root for and how you don’t know a fucking thing because you don’t know how to run the full court dumpshot defense, than any other sport.

3.  Shorts to the ankles suck.  What kind of fucking moron decided that shorts that go down to the ankles was a good idea?  Who thought they looked good?  There’s more fabric in a pair of basketball shorts than there is in a full blown stage costume for a lead woman in a viking opera, complete with cape, many skirts and under skirts and attendents dresses as 11th century court jesters.

4. Fans who live for basketball season.  Don’t these people have lives?  They’re probably just as bad as football fans who constantly wear their team clothing, but it’s basketball so it makes it about 421 times worse than football fans.  Since I like football they get a pass.  Kind of.

5.  Post season sucks.  The post season seems to be longer than the regular season and is even more boring.  Who gives a rats ass if Eastern Mid North Carolina has to travel to Northern Alaska to play Mid California at Detroit in a first round game.  Jesus, there’s what 40 rounds?

6.  You can’t go enjoy a beer at the local tavern without every television in the place being tuned to some basketball game.  Year round.  Forever.  You can’t escape it.  I hate going to bars now because of basketball.  Which makes me hate basketball even more.

All in all I’m sure that basketball has some fine points that perhaps I’m missing.  I’m also totally sure that your team has the best offensive plan in a seven planet area and that the other team, whatever other team, sucks.  Yes they do.  And yes your team is the best.  Right. Yep.  I’m totally with you.  Now when can I get that anal exam I’d rather have?

Ha.

There was a time, back many years ago, when I’d get all drunked up, sit out in my garage, and chain smoke clove cigarettes, guzzle beer, get all liquored up and start calling people.  I’d generally start with my friends Beth and Marie, slobber at them for a while about whatever kind of crazy gibberish was running around in my head.  To their credit they would put up with me and even act like they were excited to talk to me.  For all I know they were.

Now that we’ve entered a modern age I don’t call people anymore.  Or very rarely.  It’s all electronic now.  I chat, I email.  It’s just as good as calling but not as immediate.

Yesterday after four or five beers (it used to be many, many more) I switched to my new method and started emailing and texting left and right.  Hey, it was fun for me.  So if you got an email from me yesterday…um…well…there you go.  You got an email from me.  Consider yourself lucky.  At least I didn’t call you up.

Me neither, but I’d bet it’s funny.  Have a great 4th.  Be safe, have fun.